#11 - Gospel-Powered Parenting

As a father of 3 young children, my world is parenting from the moment I get up to the moment I fall asleep, and sometimes once or twice through the night on top of that! And according to the Bible, God-centered parenting is the primary means that He chooses to raise up the next generation of born again Christians to give Him glory in this world and in the life to come.

William Farley's book, Gospel-Powered Parenting, does an incredible job of explaining how the Gospel should be at the core of our parenting. Farley explains how crucial it is to teach your children to have a proper fear of God which comes through believing the Gospel which is the only way to experience the joys and blessings of God.

I actually had a substantial blog post but my internet crashed and I lost it all! Here's my best attempt to re-do a few quotes from the book:

• ...effective parents understand new birth. Statistically, most Christian parents assume their child's new birth. This could be your biggest parenting mistake.
• The bottom line is this: New birth is known by its fruits, not by a decision. The most important fruit is hunger for God himself. Effective parents assume this, and patiently wait for sustained fruit before they render a verdict.
• New birth normally comes to children through the teaching, example, and relationship that they have with their parents, especially their father. Parents are God's means of grace given to effect the child's conversion.
• In a God-centered family, everyone serves God by submitting to the authority over them. The husband focuses on pleasing God, not his wife. The wife focuses on pleasing God by submitting to her husband's authority rather than pleasing her children. The children please God by honoring and obeying their parents.
• Transferring morality is the primary goal of secular parenting...By contrast, the goal of Christian parenting is heart transformation...Tedd Tripp notes, 'A change in behavior that does not proceed from the heart is not commendable, it is condemnable.'
• Gospel-Powered Parenting will emphasize the parents' relationship with God, with each other, and with their children, in that order. The emphasis of this book is that parenting is not primarily about doing the right things. It is about having the right relationship with God - a relationship informed by the gospel.
• Have you ever notice that most books on parenting - Christian and secular - emphasize technique?...This book will take another approach. I want to change your thinking, especially how you think about God and yourself. If I am successful, the techniques will take care of themselves. That is because what we do is a by-product of how we think. People change their behavior as their understanding of God and man changes.
• The most important example that parents possess is their marriage. Our marriages preach. They preach a message that either attracts or repels our children...God wants your child to watch your marriage and think, 'I want a marriage like that, and I want the God that produced it.'
• [Quoting an article from Time magazine] 'From the Reformation until the 1830's most parenting manuals were written for fathers. Before this time, society assumed that mothers were assistant fathers. Now it is assumed that fathers are assistant mothers.' Why did previous generations assume the father's lead role? Because culture assumed that the Bible was the primary instruction manual for parents, and the Bible addressed its parenting instructions not to mothers, but to fathers!...When men assume their proper role, parenting thrives.

I could go on and on. My book is starred and underlined all throughout. I appreciate how Farley puts parenting in its proper context. He explains the relevant biblical texts, explains the importance of theology to parenting, uses good illustrations, useful statistical information and writes in an easy to understand manner.

I recommend this book as a must read - top 3 in terms of a foundational parenting book. Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp and Duties of Parents by J.C. Ryle would be the other 2. There are many other good parenting books out there that are more specific, ie - books explaining how to discipline children, how to parent teenagers, etc. As parenting is so complex and so different for each child and each stage of life, no 1 book covers it all. But this one sets an exceptional biblical, Gospel centered foundation.