#4 - Don't Make Me Count to 3!

Or 4, or 5 or 10 for that matter.

As you can tell from this blog, a lot of my time and energy revolves around parenting. I need all the help I can get, so I generally keep reading parenting books. Ginger Plowman's book, Don't Make Me Count to 3!, was well worth the price of admission.

This book focuses on the specific area of discipline and all that comes with that. She explains the biblical purpose of discipline, how to correct your child verbally and how to use the rod to correct your child. Plowman explains why you need to shepherd the heart of your child (a phrase very much misunderstood in Christian circles these days) and then shows how to do so.

She does a very good job warning parents to not misuse the rod - out of anger, frustration, self-righteousness, lack of explaining what is expected of the child, using good communication skills, not being a hypocrite, etc. I was very impressed with how well Plowman articulated how to use the rod in a loving, gentle, God glorifying way.

This book is very practical, very easy to read and very enjoyable. Here are a few gems:

• Someone once said, 'You can spank the fool out of the child, but you can't spank wisdom into him.' God's design for discipline accomplishes both. It drives out the foolishness and replaces that foolishness with wisdom. Therefore, one should never use the rod without the reproof [verbal correction]. Discipline that is not balanced by using both will surely fail.
• In The Duties of Parents, J.C. Ryle says, 'Train with this thought continually before your eyes: The soul of your child is the first thing to be considered. In every step that you take with them, in every plan and scheme and arrangement that concerns them, do not leave out that mighty question, "How will this affect their souls?"' Our ultimate goal in everything should be to point them to Christ.
• I believe that we are to know the Word of God and speak the Word of God so often in the presence of our children that it is done in a comfortable and conversational manner. It's not a formal, strict, legalistic way of teaching, but rather a way of life that is constantly on our hearts, our minds, and our tongues. Use God's Word to teach them from your heart.
• Each time your child fails, don't view it as a hopeless tragedy. Remember that it would be unnatural for your child not to sin, after all he is a sinner...They sin, not because they are tired, hungry, or having a bad hair day, but because they are sinners...The question is not, 'Why does he act like that?' The question is, 'What are you going to do about it?'
• If we fail to require obedience from our children, we become a stumbling block for them...We are robbing our children of the blessing that God intends for them when we fail to require obedience.
• Make a conscious effort not to scold your child. You are ready to reprove your child biblically when you can speak to him in a normal tone of voice and with carefully measured words.
• When training is done properly, it should always end on a positive note. A child who directly disobeys mom in the grocery store should not be yelled at or have to ride him with an angry mom. This sort of discipline does not show unconditional love and careful instruction. It send the negative message, 'I am not pleased with you' for the child to ponder. Our desire should be for the child to ponder what he could have done right rather than what he did wrong. The mom who takes the time to properly spank the child while assuring him of her love, and then discusses with the child what he could have done right instead, sends the positive message, 'I love you enough to train you in what is right.'
• You have to be consistent [in discipline]. Bruce Ray says, 'It is not the severity of correction which will produce obedience; it is the certainty of correction which will bring about the desired result. Be consistent in your administration of discipline. Never, never, never issue a warning or a command without following through.'
• A child who never knows what to expect can also become insecure. There is a great sense of security in knowing what to expect. What's cruel is for them to live in fear because they don't know what might happen next. What's cruel is for their discipline to be based on the mood, energy level, or whim of the parent. All children, whether infants, toddlers, or youths find much security in knowing where their boundaries are. Really, with boundaries come freedom.
• Happiness and contentment are heart choices. Children can choose to obey with a happy heart. Parents must guide them in doing so.
• We may become discouraged at times and think that it's no use, but our responsibility is to trust God and do what He says and then leave the results up to Him.

As much as I liked this book, it is not the end all book of parenting. In fact, it is quite narrow in its scope - how to discipline biblically. And while discipline is a huge part of parenting, especially for children 0 to 6 (or 7 or quite possibly to 10!), it would be wise to read other parenting books to help give a more complete understanding of biblically sound parenting.