I recently finished this book by Ed Welch, and it was very eye opening. Very. I have never thought of myself as one who is overly afraid of people. Sure, I get embarrassed and I want people to like me. But for the most part, I think I typically make decisions without worrying about what other people think. In fact, I may tend to swing too far in that direction!
So I never thought of myself as fearing men or succumbing to peer pressure or being co-dependent which I guess is the more prevalent term these days. But this book, in a way that a book hasn't done in a long time, opened my eyes to a way of thinking and a self-evaluation that I was completely unaware of. I do fear men.
Welch defines fear as being afraid of someone but extending beyond to "holding someone in awe, being controlled or mastered by people, worshipping other people, putting your trust in other people, or needing people." He goes on to ask a series of probing questions to ask yourself to see if you do in fact, fear men.
- Have you ever struggled with peer pressure? Peer pressure is just a euphemism for the fear of men.
- Are you overcommitted? Do you find that it is hard to say no even when wisdom indicates that you should?
- Do you "need" something from your spouse? Do you "need" your spouse to listen to you? Respect you? Think carefully here...
- Is self-esteem a critical concern for you? If self-esteem is a recurring theme for you, chances are that your life revolves around what others think. You reverence or fear their opinions. You need them to buttress your sense of well-being and identity. You need them to fill you up.
- Do you ever feel that you might be exposed as an impostor?
- Are you always second-guessing decisions based on what other people might think?
- Do you feel empty or meaningless?
- Do you get easily embarrassed?
- Do you ever lie, especially the little white lies?
- Are you jealous of other people?
- Do other people often make you angry or depressed? If so, they are probably the controlling center of your life.
- Do you avoid people?
- Does this list not include you yet? If not, consider just one word: evangelism.
Ouch! I was feeling pretty good until I hit that list on page 14. And then that last one, just sunk me. I never knew that I had a fear of man problem. "Fear of man is such a part of our human fabric that we should check for a pulse if someone denies it."
So I fear men a little, what's the big deal? Welch goes on to say, "Since there is no room in our hearts to worship both God and people, whenever people are big, God is not." And that is why this is an important issue. God is great. God is glorious. God is incredible. But when people are big, we reduce God in our hearts to far less than He deserves. That is a BIG problem. Isaiah 48:11 says, "For My own sake, for My own sake, I will act; For how can My name be profaned? And My glory I will not give to another."
Welch spends the first part of the book explaining how and why we fear others. It was very enlightening. In the second part, he explains how to overcome the fear of others. In the process, he exposes many lies of psychology and its debilitating influence.
I highly recommend this book, not just for those who are overtly concerned about what others think, but for all of us. Here's one last thought on the blessing of fearing God and not man. "The person who fears God fears nothing else...This is one of the great blessings of the fear of the Lord. We think less often about ourselves. When a heart is being filled with the greatness of God, there is less room for the question, 'What are people going to think of me?'"
Well, it had to happen sometime. Our baby girl is growing up. I've never been so depressed at a 3 year old's party! Even though I'm sad to be losing my baby, we managed to have a good time at her "splash" party. Thank you to all who came to celebrate God's gracious gift to our family...Emery.
The hit of the party was a mini water slide we borrowed from our friends and neighbors, the Seidls.
