By the grace of God, I have just passed my 1 year anniversary as the senior pastor / preaching pastor / only pastor! at Alameda Bible Church. I have been trying to gather my thoughts on this significant (to me) yet very insignificant (to God and probably most people) achievement.
I try not to make a big deal of this pastoral role as somehow more difficult or demanding than any other pastoral / elder role or that I'm somehow more special than other Christians because I know that biblically I am not. I am just a sinner saved by grace like every other Christian. But at the same time, I do acknowledge that there are unique challenges and demands that come with this role.
I think when Sandy and I go on our Lee family retreat later this year and get time away to truly think about the year without the daily distractions of life, I'll have more coherent thoughts. But amidst the business of everyday demands and responsibilities, I thought it would be good to put my thoughts down in writing at this juncture.
First off, the positives of being the senior pastor:
1. I am surprised at how spiritually enriching and fun it is to study and preach every week
I say that because I was not born a preacher. I don't have any interest in being up front and being the center of attention unlike most senior pastors I know. I had also heard and seen firsthand from friends that the demands of preaching every week can get burdensome. It seems odd to say this in some respects, but studying the Word of God all week along with pressure of wrestling with a new text every Sunday and coming up with a clear, engaging, powerful and even winsom sermon that both convicts and encourages everyone to turn from sin and live for Christ with renewed vigor can be difficult for mortal men to bear. Add to that, every Sunday everyone in the church can judge your performance and let you know exactly what they think, and it can often add up to a difficult job description.
Yet for some reason, at this point at least, I am not too concerned about the pressures and am just loving, studying the Scriptures for what it does for me. It makes me think greater thoughts about God, about His Word and about my salvation. My studies have led to deep conviction of sinful attitudes especially and renewed love for the Gospel in my life. I feel so blessed to study and preach the Word. I recognize that I am not the most gifted preacher / speaker and maybe this helps alleviate the stress in my life as the expectations are lower. But I am just happy to worship God through my preaching. Hopefully everyone else is benefiting too! :)
2. In a lot of respects, it hasn't been that different from other pastoral positions and ministry
This has been a joy because I love ministry. I'm not sure what I expected, but when it comes down to it, you have to study God's Word, preach, teach, pray, love your brothers and sisters in Christ, share the Gospel, make ministry plans and carry them out. The ins and outs are fairly similar to when I was a children's pastor, youth pastor, singles ministry leader, pastoral intern, college pastor and equipping pastor. I do a lot more preaching and teaching in my current role so the proportions are different, but I do pretty much the same things, and I love to do these things.
But despite the positives, there have been a couple of challenges that did surprise me.
1. Being the senior pastor amplifies everything
I don't feel more pressure or responsibility being the senior pastor, but I do feel like it amplifies everything in my life. I struggled with how to describe this effect, but the best word I could come up with is amplification. Because I stand up in front of the church and preach twice every Sunday, everything about me is amplified, specifically my negatives. If I struggle with sin in my life, it feels amplified. If I make mistakes with people during the week, it is amplified. If I am physically tired or emotionally drained, it is amplified when I stand up front to preach the Word.
I don't think the positives in my life are amplified or if they are, they are amplified to a lesser degree. But maybe I'm wrong on that. Regardless, having your spiritual state amplified in front of everyone every week can be taxing. It has caused me to depend more and more on the Gospel for my righteousness, but I must admit, this is a big personal challenge.
2. It has been a lot more demanding on all my family
I think this one has more to do with going from a somewhat larger church to a smaller church. For my kids, they have had to make several sacrifices which has been hard to bear as a father. They are older than the last time we moved so they miss their friends and their old life in KS. We had some dear brothers and sisters in Christ that we left and still miss.
My wife has also had to make sacrifices in her new role as well. We are still figuring it all out so it's a moving target at this stage. But I do appreciate her willingness to be my helper and best friend through the challenges of trying to figure out a new life once again.
It's definitely been a good year. God has manifested His sovereign goodness in big and small ways. I am thankful for His continual sustaining power in my life. God is good, always.
No comments:
Post a Comment