The glory that comes from man

I just read John 12:43 today - "for they loved the glory that comes from man more than the glory that comes from God." In chapters 1-11, Jesus had shown sign after sign after sign that He is the Son of God. But despite the miracles, the healings, the resurrection of Lazarus from the dead, some still would not believe that He was God.

But in 12:42, John states that some of the Jewish authorities did believe in Jesus, but they feared the Pharisees and would not confess it because they feared the consequences of being put out of the synagogue. These people are the ones that loved the glory that comes from man more than the glory that comes from God.

Last Sunday, I preached a message on not fearing man. I generally am not afraid of most people. I am not easily intimidated. But as a pastor, the fear of man is a very real temptation. I don't fear losing my job or the church shrinking and not being able to afford me. Instead, I have come to realize that I "fear" in the sense that I desire people's approval. I desire people to approve of my preaching, my ministry and my character. Not so much to like me personally so that I'm popular, but to validate my worth.

I have been here a month, and I am still trying to get my office area settled. I don't currently have an office (hopefully construction will begin soon) but am in an open conference room. It took me a week to get a wireless internet connection, another week to figure out where I should set up camp, another week to get Microsoft Word, and this week I got my desktop and a printer. Needless to say, I have not been the model of efficient sermon preparation. This unsettled state, as many of you can imagine, does not fit my organized, adminstrative work style. But much worse than style, I have been struggling with a self-imposed pressure to preach and do ministry well.

Why? I realized today that my self-induced stress was not because I was so concerned about my ability to exalt the greatness and glory of God in my preaching. Instead, my anxieties have come from a desire to seek the approval of man or the glory that comes from man. It's been a convicting week. But God has been good to show me this in order that I may be free to love and rejoice in the glory of God.