A lot has happened since I last blogged. About 6 weeks ago, I parted ways with Alameda Bible Church and stepped down as pastor there. I would not think it normal to blog about this type of situation, but the role of a pastor is somewhat unique. As I have found out personally, the role of a pastor is a public one and word gets around, even in a city with close to a million people. So I thought it would be a good idea, not to rehash the past, but to address what I have learned so far and to update the many folks who are praying for us.
Obviously, this has been a very difficult time. I think the best word to describe how I feel is heartbroken. Please understand that I don't think being a pastor is more difficult than other roles in life. It simply has its unique challenges and blessings. But for a preaching pastor, you have a special relationship with the church body that no one else has. I didn't realize it until I became one. You have a burden and a love for the souls of the flock that God has entrusted you with that is spiritually intimate. Looking into the eyes and preaching into the hearts of the people every week, standing before them with transparency and exposing your own heart to them every week, and praying fervently, crying out to God for them every week develops a deep spiritual bond.
I feel a profound sadness and melancholy quite often and on so many levels. Personally, I am reeling. The obvious questions abound for my family - How we will live? Where we will live? What will I do? And on top of that, I feel such a loss for my relationship with God's flock, His sheep.
Yet despite this, God has shown me two wonderful things. First, God is not only greater than all of these problems and challenges, but He is more precious than the solutions that He will eventually provide. When we have everything we need and then some; when we have not only all our physical needs met but the overabundance of having many of our desires met; when we don't need to turn to God for anything physical; it is so easy to not turn to God at all or to not turn to him with everything in your soul. But when he strips away so much in life so that you're faced with the idea of losing your home, your things, your future, you realize that Christ has given you everything, He has given you Himself. And there's nothing and no one and no situation better than being with Christ and in Christ.
Don't get me wrong, these are truths that I have to face and force myself to trust in every day, several times a day, as I wait for Him to reveal His answers for what is next. But He is faithful as always to give me moments of great hope and peace and trust in His magnificent character that He will use all of this in my life for His glory and my good.
Second, God has shown us His goodness and kindness again and again in such tangible and concrete ways. I am absolutely humbled to have received so many phone calls, notes, gifts and encouraging words from so many people. People are praying for us from coast to coast and in between. Strangers have called with words of sympathy. People have visited with hugs and tears. God is sustaining us in our time of need with the love of the Body of Christ. He is so good, always.
What does the future hold? I want to know the details so badly. But that is not the most important thing. The most important thing is that the future holds Christ. The future holds my perfection in Christ. The future holds a greater love and worship of the magnificence of knowing God. The future holds glory...because I am in Christ.
"Colossians 3:3 For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. 4 When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory."
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